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Adam Ondra: Good Bad or Bad Good?April 16, 2012
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Vertical Life is bornApril 4, 2012
Blog
Apr
16
We ask the hard questions about the Czech wunderkind
Recently there has been a lot of talk about how Czech wunderkind Adam Ondra is ‘taking climbing to the next level’ with his recent rampage through the world’s hardest routes, boulders and unclimbed projects (not to mention the competition wins), but it seems to me that one important thing has been overlooked in all this hysteria. Adam Ondra is not cool.
I don’t think there has been a top level climber this uncool since French climber Alain Robert aka 
the French Spiderman, who regularly sports the worst of the ‘80s aesthetic in his leather pants and bizarre cowboy vests. But of course the problem is that Ondra is much better and far more famous than the French Spiderman, which begs an obvious question: how much damage is Ondra doing to climbing’s credibility? And further, how much longer can we allow it to continue?
Traditionally, the top climbers have been cool. Think Chris Sharma for example (rugged surfer charm), or a little further back Jerry Moffat (attitude) and Ben Moon (dreads were probably cool back then). Admittedly there are some exceptions, for example, Wolfgang Gullich and his dodgy mullet and penchant for short shorts and Alex Huber and his whole leather pants and Fabio-hair thing – but they are both German, so they don’t count. Really you look to guys like Yosemite legend, Jim Bridwell, who epitomised ‘70s cool. Or Patrick Edlinger, who could wear a pair of tights like no one else.
But Ondra? He has nothing (apart from a striking resemblance to Harry Potter). From the pile of poodle hair on top of his head, to the glasses and the long, skinny neck sitting atop narrow unathletic shoulders, Ondra is pretty much singlehandedly destroying the image of the sport. Can you imagine any young non-climber wanting to be like Ondra? Pale, girlfriendless (presumably) and, dare I say it, looking like the King of the Dorks.
And Ondra is not the only one, Paul Robinson has been busily wreaking havoc on the world’s hardest boulder problems and the cred of this once cool sport with his massive brown bouffant, squeaky voice and skinny science-geek look. And he calls himself an artist. Artists are supposed to be cool. All I can say is, thank the Lord for Daniel Woods and his bad boy tatts, that is the only thing holding bouldering’s image together at the moment.
Self-confessed dork Alex Honnold is similarly ruining the image of soloing with his big doe-like eyes and straight fringe, although at least I hear he now has a girlfriend. Soloists used to be hardcore dudes, from the swaggering style of Jimmy Jewel to the casual cool of Peter Croft in perfect white pants, you could never accuse them of looking like they belong in chess club.
Climbing is often compared to surfing as a lifestyle sport, but can you imagine any top surfer looking like Adam Ondra? It wouldn’t happen, and if somehow it did, it wouldn’t last long. Someone would be there to sort that shit out: send him to the tanning salon, add some peroxide to his hair, get him some decent threads and a model for a girlfriend. You have to ask yourself what is going on with Ondra’s sponsors? They must surely take some responsibility for this debacle. Clearly they need to take some kind of action to remedy the situation before an entire generation of young climbers is turned away from the sport because lawn bowls has more sex appeal.
Which leads me to the obvious solution: Ondra needs a stylist. Clearly, he can’t be trusted to do anything other than climb really hard. So he needs someone else to take care of his image. (I would volunteer myself except that I recently ran into someone who hadn’t seen me for ten years and they said I was dressed exactly the same way [and you have to know your weaknesses].)
And while it is easy to laugh at foreigners, we shouldn’t be too complacent at home here in Australia. Without naming names, many of our own top climbers seem to basically roll out of bed and rock up to the crag. Of course, they have had some truly terrible role models, who can forget photos of Geoff Weigand climbing in a pink cardy or any outfit of Mike Law’s from the last 20 years (some of those shirts are still burnt onto the inside of my retinas). Even Australia’s most loved climbing legend, the mighty HB, has a dark past of stubbies and a singular mullet..
In the end, the best climbers have to realise that climbing is more than simply something that is fun to do or that allows you to escape the everyday humdrum existence of modern life, they have to remember that it is a Brand. And every Brand needs its Ambassadors to look good, not like they are going to do battle with Voldemort.
Awesome, love it.
Long live the King of the Dorks! It seems fitting, climbers are all dorks, aren’t we?
Agree with your comments regarding Ondra, but how can you say that Honnold isn’t cool? He slides under under the radar with the most outrageous solos in the history of climbing and before you know it he is on Sixty Minutes flirting with the interviewer in the same understated manner. That is the epitome of cool. I bet he has a line-up of girls outside that van of his every night. As for Daniel Woods, well those try-hard tatts simply compliment the try-hard activity he engages in. Bouldering had some cred in the 60s, 70s and 80s but ever since it was taken over by mainstream yuppies, it lost its cool big time.
Sounds like if Honnold makes it over here again it won’t be only girls who are lining up outside his van, could also be some lanky dude who can’t boulder and is holding a long neck.
Well you are probably right AdventureTypes. I probably would be a bit star struck by Alex’s presence, but then again if I am lining up with the girls outside his van, it might be because Alex won’t be able to look after them all.
Bad News Gramps,
you’re too old and out of touch. you’re judging the modern world by your archaic standards, just as your grandparents probably thought flappers and jazz were the bee’s knees, you are living by outmoded aesthetics.
Alex Honnold is the new cool
Paul Robinson is the new cool
being a dork / nerd is the new cool
only thing you got right is that Adam Ondra sucks, not because he’s ugly and weird looking (both of which are true) but because of his childish tantrums that sound like a cat getting slowly murdered. That lack of emotional control is the real thing that puts him over the tipping point and makes him totally lame.
Finally someone who voiced what was crawling inside of me. Thanks for being so honest.
I say bring on the dorks! If the new breed of climber are super dorks like ondra, that means a normal dork like me has a chance. Although Im getting married in a couple days, Im speaking from the old me… The one who did not yet have his penis chopped off and chucked in deep freeze, only to be taken out to thaw on “special occasions” with the mince and silver-beat.
bullshit….climbers dont need to be cool…who said that?! Only those who can not climb on that level and then make fun about their look. these people are just jealous…this article is such a bullshit!!
I agree.
… I think you missed the overt sarcasm.
I agree…total bullshit…for those who know Adam and whole his family it is bullshit. Adam is a great man.. Fuc…this article.
One does not need to be “cool” to sell product. There are more ways to add value to a company than by having sex appeal and having a girlfriend. The athletes you have named get climbers psyched to climb by their determination and amazing accomplishments. This sell product as well and is just a different way of marketing product.
Brilliant
Ha ha ha… I say to thee dorkies out there in webland.. Cool is not only a state of mind but also a STYLE, ya digg? Don’t get me wrong lets give respect where respect is due, a man that climbs a vertical for two or three days while sleeping on a ledge or doing something that challenges the human body to the limits, BIGG UPS!!! Lets not get it twisted though, Dorkies you know damn well style trumps intellectual prowess so in my argument to thee: You can’t fake the Funk, cool is more than my opinion or yours. You either got it or you don’t…….
If this article is just irony and fun, then ok, but no funny ending. But if u mean it business, than I feel sorry for u, stupid envious outdated retard, sorry… Adam is totally cool, but in his own way, he does not need to copy anybody, he must not pretend anything, he is just the best and has everything in front of him, in 5 yers he will be personality like all the men you named together. Already now he is.. Graham – Woods “coolism” is over… New values start to be important. And Adam, Alex or Paul too are great examples, much more interesting men…
Name calling is not Cool, this is not the 80′s and “Revenge of the Nerds” is just a movie. Adam is a geek (badass climber, yes). Lets review….James Dean=Cool, Paul Hogan=Not cool, The incredible HULK=Cool, Math=NOT cool, Futbol=Cool, This article=Cool….Reply’s to this article=Priceless.
Zuckerberg here is right. If you’re not cool enough to blog about being cool then you should probably just quit climbing. All sarcasm aside, Ondra is pretty annoying.
Hueco Rancheros has it right above. The problem with Ondra is not that he’s a dork, its that he’s a juvenile twat. Maybe he’ll grow out of that, but maybe he won’t.
Dork is fine – it presents a friendly face and makes the sport accessible.
But Ondra doesn’t seem to climb with a smile, to coin a phrase. Sharma just seems to be happy doing what he is doing. Ditto Woods and Robinson. Dave Graham, on the other hand, seems to be adopting the same “I’m the shizzle” attitude that is Ondra’s chief turn-off.
Consider how lovable Ronaldinho was at his footballing peak at Barcelona. People loved him because he was (a) freakishly talented, and (b) absolutely loving every minute of it. That’s why people don’t like Cristiano Ronaldo as much – same talent, too cocky, too I’m-awesome-take-me-seriously attitude.
Fingers crossed Ondra grows out of it. Give him a chance, he’s barely an adult.
This article is pure genius and has just lost some of its context reaching an international audience. Australians are famous/infamous for their piss taking ways and that is all this is. If you have been offended by the sentiments you need to try a pinch of salt. Keep up the great work lads!!!
I totally don’t agree:
If you publish your australian sarcasm or what it’s supposed to be online and want to be respected as serious new climbing magazine, than you shouldn’t offend top climbers in the worst way possible and show us some real journalsim instead.
Please take some responsability.
Just because you don’t like Adam doesn’t give you the right to insult him. And the fact that he and other climbers doesn’t fit your old standards of “coolness” and still are the best in climbing just tells us one thing:
What you all thought was the right “cool” (man, even the word “cool” itself is so oldfashioned) isn’t working any longer. And the worldclass climbers nowadays you were smart enough to leave the old ideology behind and do their own thing.
So you complaining about them not beeing cool, is just you admitting that you will never be as good as them, cause you are already limited by your poor mindset.
So I guess there is a reason why Adam and co are crashing 9bs and fb 8cs and you are just writing an article about how lame they are…
Maybe geeky is the new cool, but seriously, who cares? Anyone who bags a 9a is HOT in my books, trust me, the reason a lot of girls climb is because they get to perv at half naked guys groaning and huffing as they pull off a V7 move, we just pretend to spot them, we’re actually just checking out their back muscles and behind, even if its a small bony little behind, hard core climber = hotness!!
I think some people commenting need to look up the meaning of the word “sarcasm”. Great article by the way. Made me laugh.
masterpiece!
For all those with their knickers in a knot. Brush up your sense of humour. Even though there is a grain of truth to it. Most people don’t realise that other top athletes (eg. gymnasts) get deportment lessons so when they walk off the mat after elegantly executing a routine they don’t look like the muscle bound chumps they really are. Nils, I would guess from your syntax your mother tongue is germanic in origin. …So ein Mist stueck? I think not.
Just an FYI, Alain Robert is probably the most famous of them all, every time i mention climbing to a non-climber hes the first person they mention. Also i hear Ondra has a gf
The information provided above about Alex Honnold is very true.
http://www.rockandice.com/news/1990-alex-honnold-free-solos-el-cap-sort-of
The picture in this linked article says it all. Look at his dorky hair style!
Genius
Mick
Wow, I thought this was a pretty fun whimsical pisstake (look it up), clearly I was wrong. Is the Internet going to kill humour? Or can everything be solved by careful use of a winking smiley face?
I think you’re totally wrong. Isn’t climbing supposed to be a kind of getaway sport where evryone is the same and leaving the stereotipes behind? becouse you have to realize that evreyone is different. And what you wrote about these people isn’t in the climbing spirit. P.S. I would gladly want to see you doing the routes he does.
Ondra might be able to onsight 8c+, but I doubt he can onsight local girls at the pub.
What does it matter what a climber’s appearance is? What if anything, does that have to do with climbing? Isn’t it just about there athletic performance and not their look?
Climb hard and have fun.
This article is a joke.
Adam is cool, especially because of his look and attitude. He has nothing special, he just looks like an ordinary dude who has a strong passion and enjoy it. He is not even trying to be cool, he is simply himself, happy when he succeeds, really angry when he falls, like everybody else. In his own way he shows us that even the most simples guys can be incredibles, with work and a hard will. A message wich is much more important than to be the “coolest dude of the year” I think
It’s a joke, people. It’s Australian humour. This is what we do, we “take the piss”, and we “cop it sweet” and maybe we give it back, and everyone laughs. The author may sound like he / she is disrespecting the subjects, they’re not, in the perverse Aussie way, Adam et al are being honoured. Great article, I loved it
Adam Ondra inspires me more than Chris Sharma to be honest.
Grades > Style
Just wasted 5 mins of my time reading this… Dude… seriously? To insult people just because of their look? You think that being cool is all about fashion? What is wrong with you?
I never thought I would read something like this in climbing…